I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just gargled with NyQuil
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
