kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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