stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
