I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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