Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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