Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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