ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
