we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
