You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
