so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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