I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
