Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
