Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
you never un-have a 4some
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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