I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
