Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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