fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
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all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
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There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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