All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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