Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
