Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
