Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
