just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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