If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You were trust falling into bushes
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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