"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
