she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
