my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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