I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
