insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
