Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
