Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
