fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
