Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he puts the penis in happiness.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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