Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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