I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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