Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I touched a dick in church today
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
