Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
