Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
