Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
