If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
