True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
