I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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