Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
