You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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