i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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