Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
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Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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