Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
