Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
