Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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