so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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