I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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