Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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