I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
