He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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