I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
