I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just had sex on a roof
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
