I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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