maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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