Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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