my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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