The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
