porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
