My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
