Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
