who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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