Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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