Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It's just like the Real World with babies
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Randomize
