I need help removing her.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
