so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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