Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
