Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
