My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
