is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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