My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
