pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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