U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
found the other keg... it's in the tree
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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