Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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