Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
