I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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