Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So many bounce houses so little time
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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