When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
