I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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