Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
