Me too!
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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