I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
