He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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