Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
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