For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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