I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
