i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
