This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Is it because I queefed?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
